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14 letters
relate to Feelings - despair
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Cuesmes, mid August 1879
"If ever I came to believe seriously that I was being a nuisance or a burden to you or those at home, of no use to anyone, and were obliged to look upon myself as an intruder or to feel superfluous so far as you are concerned, so that it would be better if I were not there at all, and if I should have to try all the time to keep out of other people's way - were I really to think that, then I should..."
The Hague, c. 15-27 April 1882
"Theo, I am a man with faults and errors and passions, but I don't think I ever tried to deprive anyone of his bread or his friends. I have sometimes fought people with words, but attempting a man's life because of a difference of opinion is not the work of an honest man - at least, these are not honest weapons. Can you understand now that I am sometimes grieved over many things, grieved to the hea..."
The Hague, 30 May 1882
"But not having up to now received any letter of yours since that of May 12th, I have nothing to pay him his twelve guilders and 50 c. with. The man will surely not give me any longer delay, but they can immediately sell my furniture publicly."
The Hague, 22 July 1883
"Thanks for your letter, thanks for the enclosure, though I cannot repress a feeling of sadness at your saying, “I can give you little hope for the future.” If you mean this only in a financial sense, I shouldn't mind it so much, but if it's in reference to my work, I don't quite understand why I deserve it. It comes just at the moment when I can send you the prints of the photographs of a few ..."
The Hague, 22 July 1883
"And now I thought, I am sorry that I didn't fall ill and die in the Borinage that time, instead of taking up painting, for I am only a burden to you. And yet I cannot help it, for one must go through many phases to become a good painter, and what one makes in the meantime is not exactly bad if one tries one's utmost; but there ought to be people who see it in the light of its tendency and objectiv..." "The fact is, brother, that the general state of affairs oppressed me more than I could bear, and I am telling you my thoughts. I only wish you would come soon. And do write soon, for I need it. Of course there is nobody but you whom I can speak to about it, for it does not concern other people, and they have nothing to do with it."
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