Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (22 January 1882) ... that I am quite at
a loss as to what to do. Now this morning I felt so miserable
that I went to bed; I had a headache and was feverish from
worry because I dread this week so much, and do not know how to
get through it. And then I got up, but went back to bed again;
now I feel a little better, but I wanted you to know that I did
not exaggerate in yesterday's letter. If only I continue
working hard, it will not be long before I earn something with
my work; but meanwhile I am greatly harassed by scarcity of
funds.
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (26 January 1882) ... when I wrote
you last has really happened, meaning that I have not been
well, and have been in bed for almost three days with fever and
nervousness,
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (25 or 26 July 1883) ... thing one does not find everywhere.
What I told you about my feeling rather weak is true. It has
now settled into a pain between the shoulders and in the lumbar
vertebrae, which I've already had at times, but I know from
experience that one ought to be careful then, otherwise one
becomes too weak and can't get over it so easily.
To a certain extent I let things take their own course.
Things have been too much for me lately, and my plan to regain
former friends by working sensibly and hard has fallen to
pieces.
Theo, there is one thing we must settle - I don't mean that
it will happen immediately, but the days might become even
gloomier, and in that case I should like to make an
arrangement.
My studies and all the work that is in the studio are
absolutely your property. I repeat, at present there is no
question of it - but it might happen - for instance because of
my not paying the taxes - that they sold my things; but in that
case I should like to bring...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (29 and 30 July 1883) ... become too weak,
judging from the symptoms of
dizziness, which is troublesome enough to make curing it
urgent. But enough of this.
This is as far as I wrote yesterday. Now today - Monday - I
can tell you that fortunately the torn banknote has been
accepted in Paris, and I have lost but little on it, having
cashed 23 guilders in all.
Now I have to talk something over with you which I hope you
will approve of. In a previous letter I told you my definite
opinion that it would be unwarranted for us not to try to
profit by the wholesale prices of the colours, instead of
always paying the regular retail price, in this way losing 33
1/3%. But because you didn't answer this year, I thought that
it would perhaps be difficult to order things in Goupil and
company's name that were destined for more private use, and on
my side I made some arrangements, which I had already started
tentatively before, in order to get the same thing without your
being involved,...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (c. 2 August 1883) ... when I am not in front of my
easel. Sometimes it's a kind of dizziness, and at times a
headache too. Well, it's nothing but weakness. I have
repeatedly put off taking more nourishing food because there
were other things more pressing, but it has lasted a little too
long.
But you will understand that the work is rather important,
and I could not drop it now for the very reason that so much of
it is already done. When you come, you will see for yourself
that it is necessary to go on steadily. You are right in saying
that what I wrote you about the finances weighs on your mind,
but on the other hand, we cannot now be far from the moment
when I shall make something that is saleable, even if it be for
a small price.
The work becomes more and more clear to me.
And when I think it over, it is only a question of hurrying
or slackening speed, and we shall make up for it later, even
for the past; but after all...