| | 10 letters relate to health - eyes... | Excerpt length: shorter longer | |
| Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(5 February 1883)
... for
instance, “The Pew.”
Boy, I still feel poorly, and I've had a rather plain
warning that I must be careful - my eyes felt so tired
sometimes, but I wouldn't pay any attention to it. Now, last
night, especially, there was a rather strong secretion of the
tear glands, and the lashes stuck together, and my eyes are
giving me trouble and my sight is poor.
Ever since the middle of December I have been drudging
incessantly, especially on those heads. This last week I have
been out-of-doors a good deal to refresh myself. I have taken
baths, washed my head often with cold water, etc., etc. But one
feels so miserable at such a time; I have a large pile of
studies, but they don't interest me then, and I find them all
bad.
Rappard wrote me again this week; he said he was recovering,
but slowly, still feels weak but is beginning to walk a little
bit now and then. But he wrote very clearly and plainly about
many things concerning the work.
There is a spring... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard
(c. 7 February 1883)
... which I find I can't overcome. The same
thing happened to my eyes, so that even simply looking at
things bothered me. But I have walked a good deal in the
country these last days, and my eyes are normal again.
2
I think I have at least 150 drawings that you have not seen
yet.
The changes in my household, instead of causing me to work
less, have caused me to work more; I worked even with a sort of
fury, but a quiet fury, if you will allow me to use the
expression. I also started reading again, which I had neglected
for some time.
I think you will be delighted with the baby - those who
abandon a woman when she is pregnant know not what they do -
such a baby can be said to bring a rayon d'en haut - a ray from
heaven - into the house. As for the woman herself, do you
remember what Gavarni said? - “Il y a une creature,
insupportable, bête, méchante, c'est la jeune
fille; il y a une creature sublime et dévouée
c'est cette fille... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(8 February 1883)
... the tide
and leave the sea unchanged.
Since I wrote to you last, I have given my eyes some rest
and it has done me good, though they still ache now and
then.
Do you know what has come into my mind, that in the first
period of a painter's life one unconsciously makes it very hard
for oneself - a feeling of not being able to master the work -
by an uncertainty as to whether one will ever master it - by a
great ambition to make progress, by a lack of self-confidence -
one cannot banish a certain feeling of agitation, and one
hurries oneself though one doesn't like to be hurried.
This cannot be helped, and it is a time which one must go
through, and which in my opinion cannot and should not be
otherwise.
In the studies, too, one is conscious of a nervousness and a
certain dryness which is the exact opposite of the calm, broad
touch one strives for, and yet it doesn't work well if one
applies oneself too much to acquiring that broadness of
touch.
This gives... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(11 February 1883)
... doesn't prevent occasional hard times.
I am glad that my eyes are no worse, rather a little better,
but it is not quite over yet and I must be careful. I can tell
you, it was quite upsetting. How I should love to talk with you
- for I am not discouraged about the work, nor listless nor
disheartened, but I am at a standstill, and that is, perhaps,
because I ought to have some intercourse with someone who is
sympathetic to me and whom I could talk to about it; right now
there is not a soul here whom I can confide in. I do not
mean that nobody can be trusted, far from it, but
unfortunately I am not in touch with them. I sometimes think of
years ago when I came to The Hague for the first time, and of
the three years I spent at Goupil and Co.; the first two were
rather unpleasant, but the last one was much happier, so who
knows whether the same won't happen now?
I like the proverb, “When things are at their worst,
they are sure to mend,” but now and then I ask... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(12 February 1883)
...
[Written at the top of the letter] Until today every night
or morning when I woke up, my eyelids were stuck together
because of the discharge, but last night for the first time
both eyes were all right. Otherwise nothing was apparent except
for the whites being somewhat muddy and bloodshot and what they
call bags (?) under the eyes, but this is as good as gone,
too.
... |
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