van Gogh's letters - unabridged and annotated
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 12 letters relate to feelings - love...Excerpt length: shorter longer  
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(3 November 1881)
... it already and it will not be news to you. I wanted to let you know that I fell so much in love with Kee Vos this summer that I can find no other words for it than, “It is just as if Kee Vos were the closest person to me and I the closest person to Kee Vos,” and - those words I spoke to her. But when I told her this, she replied that her past and her future remained as one to her so that she could never return my feelings. Then I was in a tremendous dilemma about what to do. Should I resign myself to that “never, no, never,” or consider the matter not yet settled and done with, keep in good heart and not give up? I chose the latter. And to this day I do not regret this approach, although I am still up against that `never, no, never'. Since then, of course, I have had to put up with quite a few “petites misères de la vie humaine,” [life's little troubles] which, had they been written about in a book, might well have served to amuse...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(7 November 1881)
... harsh and angular tone than the former. In the first place I must ask you if it astonishes you at all that there is a love serious and passionate enough not to be chilled even by many “never, no, nevers”? I suppose far from astonishing you, this will seem very natural and reasonable. For love is something so positive, so strong, so real that it is as impossible for one who loves to take back that feeling as it is to take his own life. If you reply to this by saying, “But there are people who put an end to their own life,” I simply answer, “I really do not think I am a man with such inclinations.” Life has become very dear to me, and I am very glad that I love. My life and my love are one. “But you are faced with a `never, no, never,' ” is your reply. My answer to that is, “Old boy, for the present I look upon that `never, no, never' as a block of ice which I press to my heart to thaw.” To determine...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(18 November 1881)
... and more forcefully than last year. Theo, I love her, her and no other, her forever. And, and, and, Theo, although the `no, never, ever' still "seems" to be in full sway, there is a feeling of something like redemption within me, and it is as if she and I had stopped being two and were united for all eternity. Have my drawings arrived? I made another yesterday, a peasant boy in the morning lighting the fire in the hearth with a kettle hanging over it, and another, an old man laying kindling wood on the hearth . I am sorry to say there is still something harsh and severe in my drawings, and I think that she, that is, her influence, is needed to soften that. Well, my dear fellow, it seems to me there is no reason to take 'the curse' so terribly hard. Perhaps I used too harsh a method to make Father and Mother feel something they did not want to hear, yet is not `a father's curse' a great deal stronger and harsher, going indeed a little too far? Enfin,...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(1-3 December 1881)
... I am not sorry I paid that visit. What must be done now? For you know that I came back no less in love than I went, but not because she had encouraged me; on the contrary, she made me for a moment - or rather, for twenty-four hours - profoundly miserable, but when I thought it over I seemed to see some light after all. When I thought it over, I say, and somewhat more seriously than romanticism or sentimentality would allow. But it looks less and less like gathering strawberries in spring; well, the strawberries will no doubt come in due time. I also went to see Mr. Tersteeg, and among the painters I met (the merry) Weissenbruch and Jules Bakhuizen, and De Bock. In short, Theo, I think I shall daily become more realistic in everything. Thank God she is something very real, too. Mauve and Jet send you their compliments, believe me, Yours sincerely, Vincent P.S. As soon as Mauve allows it, I will send you another drawing; but he says that I must keep all my studies, ...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(1-2 June 1882)
... be taken in by such sharp practices. The way matters stand with Sien is that I am genuinely attached to her and she to me - that she is my loyal helpmate, who goes everywhere with me - and who is becoming more indispensable to me by the day. I feel less passion for her than I did for Kee Vos last year. But the kind of love I have for Sien is the only one I am still capable of after the disappointment of that first passion. She and I are two unhappy people who keep each other company and share a burden, and that is precisely why unhappiness is making way for happiness, and the unbearable is becoming bearable. Her mother is a little old woman just like the ones Frère paints. Now you will understand that, given that I remain faithful to her, I should set little store by the formality of marriage were it not that the family does. Father, for one, and I know this for certain, attaches great importance to it, and although he won't approve of my marrying her, he would...

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