van Gogh's letters - unabridged and annotated
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 17 letters relate to feelings - loneliness...Excerpt length: shorter longer  
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(c. 15-27 April 1882)
... without drawing the necessary studies. Of course it causes me a great deal of worry and makes my life far from easy when those whom I thought I could depend on for sympathy, like Mauve and Tersteeg, become indifferent or hostile and spiteful. I have not heard anything from Mauve; one day he is ill, and then again he needs rest, or he is too busy. How beautiful his picture for the Salon is! But you understand these things yourself, so enough. This little drawing also needs a narrow grey mount. You write that you have moved; I will do my best to make something for the walls of your new home now and then. I also have a few good wood engravings you could perhaps use if you like them, as I have duplicates of some good ones. But you must see and choose those for yourself when you come this summer. I have not moved, but I have had an alteration made in my house, that is, I have had a little bedroom partitioned off in the attic; now I have more room in the studio, especially...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(c. 10 October 1882)
... drizzling rain. But it is very beautiful. But it's on days like this that one would like to go and see some friend or would like a friend to come to the house; and it's on days like this that one has an empty feeling when one can go nowhere and nobody comes. But it's then that I feel how much the work means to me, how it gives tone to life, apart from approval or disapproval; and on days which would otherwise make one melancholy, one is glad to have a will. I had a model for a few hours today, a boy with a spade, hod-carrier by trade , a very intriguing type - flat nose, thick lips and very coarse, straight hair - yet whenever he does something, there is grace in the figure, at least style and -character. I think I shall have some good models this winter; the owner of the yard has promised to send me the ones who come to ask for work, which often happens in the slack season. I am always glad to give them a few sixpences for an afternoon or morning, for that is just...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(22 July 1883)
... Adieu, Yours sincerely, Vincent In fact, I have no real friend but you, and when I am in low spirits, I always think of you. I only wish you were here, that we might again talk together about moving to the country. Except for what I told you about, there is nothing the matter with me, and things are going well - but perhaps I am a little feverish or something - I feel miserable. I had to pay money right and left - landlord, paint, baker, grocer, shoemaker, heaven knows what - and only a little is left But the worst is that after many such weeks, one feels one's resistance ebbing, and is overcome by a pervading feeling of weariness. If you can't send anything at once, brother, at all events try to write me by return of mail if possible. And as to the future, if there is some danger, tell it straight out, “homme avisé en vaut deux,” it is better to know exactly what one has to fight against.
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(24 September 1883)
... here for good. Do write again soon. I long to hear from you, for I feel gloomy, notwithstanding the beautiful scenery. Adieu, with a handshake, Yours sincerely, Vincent Remember me to Wisselingh when you meet him, and tell him I am here. ...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(1 December 1883)
... very hard up, to use a mild expression. Add to this that particular torture, loneliness, and really you will no longer be able to imagine me “well off,” either in the present or the past. I say loneliness, and not solitude, but that loneliness - which a painter has to bear, whom everybody in such isolated areas regards as a lunatic, a murderer, a tramp, etc. etc. Indeed, this may be a small misery, but it is a sorrow after all: A feeling of being an outcast - particularly strange and unpleasant - though the country may be ever so stimulating and beautiful. But for the rest I only look upon it as a bad time, which must be got through, and which one can change but little oneself, that is to say, in the relations with people whom one would love to have as models, but cannot get. Looking back, I see clearly enough now how it came to a misunderstanding between you and me.

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