van Gogh's letters - unabridged and annotated
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 14 letters relate to feelings - despair...Excerpt length: shorter longer  
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(2 May 1889)
... matter what, painting included. But the money painting costs crushes me with a feeling of debt and worthlessness, and it would be a good thing if it were possible that this should stop. Besides, I have said once and for all, if at present...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(22 August 1889)
... what it will mean for my painting. I no longer see any possibility of having courage or hope, but after all, it wasn't just yesterday that we found this job of ours wasn't a cheerful one. All the same I am pleased that you have got the package...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(3 or 4 September 1889)
... I haven't had any luck here either. Perhaps I exaggerate in the misery of my having been bowled over by my illness again - but I am sort of afraid. You will say - as I say to myself too - that the fault must be within me and not in the circumstances...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Mr. and Mrs. Ginoux
(30 or 31 December 1889)
... want to be completely recovered tomorrow. I assure you that last year I almost hated the idea of regaining my health - of only feeling somewhat better for a shorter or longer time - always living in fear of relapses - I almost hated the idea, I tell you -...
Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(4 January 1890)
... some at the same time as this letter. For the moment I am overcome with discouragement, but since this attack was over in a week, what's the use of thinking that it may in fact come back again? First of all you do not know, and cannot foresee, how or in...

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