My dear Theo,
Thanks for your letter. You are absolutely right when you
say that M. Salles has been splendid in all of this, I am under
the greatest obligation to him.
I want to tell you that I think I have done well to come
here, because, by seeing the reality of the assorted
madmen and lunatics in this menagerie, I am losing my vague
dread, my fear of the thing. And bit by bit I am getting to
consider that madness is just a disease like any other. Thus
the change in surroundings will do me good, I think.
Have you received the case of paintings, I am curious to
know if they have suffered, yes or no?
I have two more on the go - violet irises and a lilac bush,
two subjects taken from the garden.
The idea of my duty to get back to work occurs to me a lot
and I believe that all my faculties for work will soon come
back to me. It's just that the work often absorbs me so much
that I think that for the rest of my life I will always be a
bit absent-minded and awkward when shifting for myself.
I won't write you a long letter - I want to try to reply to
my new sister's letter, which moved me very much, but I don't
know if I'll be able to do it.
Ever yours, Vincent
My dear sister,
Many thanks for your letter in which I especially looked for
news of my brother. And I find it excellent. I see you have
already noticed that he likes Paris, and this more or less
surprises you, since you do not like it at all, or rather like
mostly the flowers there, such as the wisterias, I suppose,
which are probably coming into bloom.
Might it not be a fact that when you are fond of something,
you see it better and more truly than when you are not fond of
it? For him and me Paris is certainly already something like a
graveyard where many artists have perished whom we once knew
directly or indirectly.
Certainly Millet, whom you will learn to like very much, and
many others with him, tried to get out of Paris. But as for
Eugene Delacroix, for instance, it is difficult to imagine him,
as a man, otherwise than as a Parisian.
All this is to urge you - with all caution it is true - to
believe in the possibility that there are homes
in Paris and not just apartments.
Anyway - fortunately you are yourself his home.
And anyhow, my sister, if you can believe, or
almost believe, that everything is always for the best in the
best of worlds, then perhaps you will also be able to believe
that Paris is the best of the cities in it.
Have you noticed that the old cab horses there have large
beautiful eyes, as heartbroken as Christians sometimes have?
However it may be, we are neither savages nor peasants, and it
is perhaps even a duty to like civilization (so called).
After all it would probably be hypocrisy to say or think that
Paris is bad when one is living there. Besides, the first time
one sees Paris, it may be that everything in it seems
unnatural, foul and sad.
Anyway, if you do not like Paris, above all do not like
painting nor those who are directly or indirectly concerned in
it, for it is only too doubtful whether it is beautiful or
But what is to be done? - there are people who love nature
even though they are cracked or ill, those are the painters;
then there are those who like what is made by men's hands, and
these even go so far as to like pictures.
Though here there are some patients very seriously ill, the
fear and horror of madness that I used to have has already
lessened a great deal. And though here you continually hear
terrible cries and howls like beasts in a menagerie, in spite
of that people get to know each other very well and help each
other when their attacks come on. When I am working in the
garden, they all come to look, and assure you they have the
discretion and manners to leave me alone - more than the good
people of the town of Arles, for instance.
It may well be that I shall stay here long enough - I have
never been so peaceful as here and in the hospital in Arles -
to be able to paint a little at last. Quite near here there are
some little mountains, grey and blue, and at their foot some
very, very green cornfields and pines.
I shall count myself very happy if I can manage to work
enough to earn my living, for it worries me a lot when I think
that I have done so many pictures and drawings without ever
selling one. Do not be in too much of a hurry to think that
this is an injustice. I myself don't know in the least.
Thanking you again for having written to me. I am so very
glad to think that now my brother is not going home to an empty
apartment when he goes back in the evening.
I shake your hand in thought, and believe me,
Your brother, Vincent
At this time, Vincent was 36 year old
Vincent van Gogh. Letter to Theo van Gogh. Written c. 10-15 May 1889 in Saint-Rémy. Translated by Mrs. Johanna van Gogh-Bonger, edited by Robert Harrison, number 591.
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